I am learning that it is very therapeutic for me to write. I can't find a pen ever (last night I wrote in my journal in red crayon). I feel like this is a safe place to let me feelings fly. Here it goes...
Today was one of my favorite days and I have to write all about it. The days started off here in Croatia as a beautiful day outside. Jared was working and I was getting the kids ready to take them to trek around a city I know nothing about all by myself. For some moms I know that is no problem at all. As for me, I get a little, I mean a lot intimidated by that. I have a hard time taking my kids certain places alone in the states let a lone a country that I know nothing about.
I put on my big girl pants and got the kids out the door ready to take a ferry from Dubrovnik to Lokrum Island. I knew it was a big task but I went for it anyway knowing I would be sad if I didn't get it in before we leave.
I went to the bus stop, the bus was too full to take the kids, stroller and myself so I got an Uber. Uber took us and dropped us off. I was setting up the stroller while both kids were in the taxi and I was starting to get anxious. I was feeling nervous. I grabbed all our stuff and put Hendrix in the stroller (screaming). I get into Old Town and my cute new bracelet broke:(, I went to the store I bought it at the day before to see if they would replace it. They told me now way. It made me so mad because I was about to snap anyway. Stella then starts asking for a doll and I tell her no. She starts crying and I snapped at her a kind of snap I am not proud of. She started crying and I said to the girls, "thanks a lot for your help."
I was so worked up and thinking why am I out alone like this anyway. We were starving so we sat and ate a quick lunch and went off to find the ferry.
We jumped on the ferry and found ourselves on a beautiful island within 10 minutes. We jumped off the boat and the kids were so excited because there were bunnies and Peacocks everywhere. We ran around and chased the peacocks and even found a turtle. It was really fun. Stella said she wanted to swim so we threw her floaties on and she jumped in the perfect aqua water all by herself.
I had a moment... I was so blown away with how fearless she has become. She was so excited to try something new. Hendrix and I sat and watched her as she swam around like a little mermaid.
When she was done we took a different path and came across an abandoned castle. We walked inside and I was in awe. Everything was broken and not restored. I love it that way. It has so much more meaning to me. We walked through and the kids just played. I found a doorway into a little park area that was truly magical. You could hear birds chirping and the smells were incredible and it was just us.
I told the kids we could do a picnic there... Stella got sooooo excited. We made due with what we had in the stroller. Towels, crackers, Pelegrino and banana chips. lol We layed the towels down and just hung out. I had the kids close their eyes and tell me what they heard. We looked up through the trees and saw the light shining in so perfectly. We talked about grandma Carol and how she was probably there with us. We saw a few butterflies fly by. (I'm obsessed with butterflies). They always show up at significant times in my life. We sat there and made a very special memory. We had a little prayer with the three of us thanking Heavenly Father for everything.
I sat there soooo grateful for my sweet kiddos and the opportunities we have been blessed with. Being a mom is the BEST gift I have ever been given. It is not the easiest and honestly I am so not good at it a lot of the time but I love them more than anything and I would die for them.
I couldn't stop thinking about how hard my morning was and how easy it would have been to not go at all. It makes me think about life. How many things are we missing out on because of those hard moments. Do we throw in the towel right before the getting is good?
I had one of the best experiences today sitting on that beautiful island enjoying my beautiful children and making a memory to last a lifetime. I know others will look at these photos and see two kids laying on some towels. For me, this picture signifies the joy of being a mom. playing with my kids in their element ant their level and letting effortless love just take over. Those are the moments that I want to hold onto forever.
I sure have loved Croatia and this entire journey. It has helped me see so much more clearly now. Lokrum Island will always be very special for me. When I think about my happy place, it will be there!!!